The Emotional Impact of Fatherhood: How Structure and Listening Strengthened My Bond with My Daughter"
Being a dad is the greatest gift anyone could ask for. For me, it opened up the world in ways I never expected. I get to be part of my daughter’s life. Watch her develop, share in her smiles and laughter, and see the world through her eyes.
It’s like getting a second chance to experience life. Rediscovering everything as if I were born again and realizing how much there is to learn.
There’s no perfect way to be a dad—or a parent, for that matter.
Every child is different.
And every parent brings their own experiences, values, and instincts into the role. What works for one family might not work for another, and that’s okay.
Parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about growth—both yours and your child’s. It’s about learning from your mistakes and adapting to your child’s needs.
And finding a balance that works for your family. What matters most is the effort you put into understanding your child.
And supporting them as they navigate the world.
I’ve learned that being a good dad isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being present, listening, and showing up every day with the intention to do your best. Some days that might mean setting up a structured routine that helps your child feel secure. Other days, it might mean admitting you don’t have all the answers and figuring things out together.
The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. The key is to find what resonates with you and your child and to be open to change as they grow. The important thing is that you’re there, supporting them, learning with them.
And loving them every step of the way.
Kids Crave Structure
Now, I’m not saying every minute of every day needs to be scheduled down to the second. But I’ve noticed something important with my daughter:
When I create structure, I'm organized and plan her day. She follows it, and she’s happier for it.
To build this structure, I pay attention to her patterns:
When does she usually get hungry?
When does she like to play?
What does she do after school?
I can set up a routine that works for her by tuning in to these signals.
For example, I’ve noticed that when she’s cranky, it’s often because she’s hungry. Rather than blaming her for being cranky or letting her get into trouble.
I recognize the underlying issue. I make sure she eats on a regular schedule and routine. As a result, the crankiness goes away, and she’s happy and cheerful all day.
Understanding Emotions
My daughter often asks why I get upset, why I’m happy in certain situations, and why other people behave the way they do. She’s trying to make sense of the world, building a foundation of what’s okay, what makes sense, and what she should do.
That foundation centers around us—her parents. What we do, how we act, and why we react the way we do. So, I make it a point to talk to her about everything:
If she gets into trouble, we talk about why.
We discuss what she could have done differently and what she did right.
She asks questions, and I listen.
The other day, she was getting frustrated with her Legos. We were building a set that took both time and concentration. She started to show her frustration on her face and began losing interest in building. Rather than telling her not to quit, I asked, “Why do you think you’re feeling a little frustrated?”
She told me, “Because this is really hard.” She wanted to do it on her own, and I respected that. But I said:
“Sometimes when I’m frustrated with something, I ask for help, and it makes it easier to figure out what I’m trying to do.”
She looked at me and said, “You need help sometimes, Daddy?”
I said, “Of course, the best things happen to me when I ask for help. Do you think it might work for you as well?”
This conversation helped her realize it’s okay to ask for help.
And she felt more comfortable continuing with the Lego set, knowing she didn’t have to do it all on her own.
Level 5 Listening
It’s about communicating well. I call it “level 5 listening”—really hearing what your child is saying and responding in a way that helps them grow.
But what does “level 5 listening” really mean?
It goes beyond just hearing the words your child is saying. It’s about paying attention to their tone and their body language.
And the emotions behind their words. It means being fully present in the moment.
Putting aside distractions and focusing entirely on your child.
Here’s how I practice Level 5 Listening:
Full Attention:
When my daughter speaks, I put away my phone, turn off the TV, and give her my full attention. For example, we put away phones and electronics at dinner, turn off the TV, and eat and talk as a family. She knows she has my undivided focus, which makes her feel valued and heard.
Understanding Emotions:
I listen not just to her words but to how she’s feeling. If she’s upset, I acknowledge her emotions first before jumping to solutions. For instance, when she’s mad, sad, or feeling emotional, I tell her, “It’s okay to feel this way. You should never feel like crying or being mad is a bad thing. What makes you feel this way?” Then, we talk about it—discussing what made her mad and what we can do next time.
Asking Open-Ended Questions:
Instead of yes/no questions, I ask open-ended ones like, “What made you feel that way?” or “How do you think we can solve this together?” This encourages her to express herself more fully.
And think critically about the situation. On our long walks, she talks the entire time, and I listen. I ask questions, dive deeper into her thoughts, and encourage her to explore her feelings.
Reflecting Back:
I’ll often repeat back what she’s said in my own words to make sure I’ve understood her correctly. For example, “So you’re saying you felt left out during recess today?” This not only shows that I’m listening but also helps her clarify her own thoughts.
Why is this so important? When kids feel truly heard, they’re more likely to open up, share their feelings.
And trust you with what’s really going on in their lives. This deeper connection makes it easier to guide them and helps them grow into confident, self-aware people.
You can also check out this YouTube video. That dives into the 5 levels of listening:
The Emotional Rewards of Being a Dad
I can’t begin to expand on the joy of being a dad. The moment I first held my daughter, I felt like my entire body had electricity flowing through it. Tears streamed down my face.
I become incredibly emotional just thinking about her.
I always thought I could hold it together.
But on her first day of school...
I stood there.
Walked her to her classroom, watched her go in, and just started bawling.
Tears streaming down my face. This little person who I raised is growing up, and I have no control over it. It makes me feel so prideful and joyful that I can’t control my emotions.
Even as I write this, I can feel myself tearing up.
The emotional impact you receive as a parent is incredible. In these moments—of joy, pride, and overwhelming love—I find the true meaning of fatherhood. These are the experiences that enrich my life.
And remind me of the importance of being present every single day.
